Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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