ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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