He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
