I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.