The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.