You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER