I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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