why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
