omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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