Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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