What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
