guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
