I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
