I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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