So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize