So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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