my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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