Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
