Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
