No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize