Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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