Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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