I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
