i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
