Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
