i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
