So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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