Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
