just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize