i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
