Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
