Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
