did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i barfeds in our rink
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
