fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
