My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
