i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Randomize
