I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
