its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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