What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Randomize
