she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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