if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We were destined to go to rehab together
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
