TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
