Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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