Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize