That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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