You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
