I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
