do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
