New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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