Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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