This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
