I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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