we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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