He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
