I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
