I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
