i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
