All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
