next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
