I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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