Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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