I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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