His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
