I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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