What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
