Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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