and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I want to fling myself into the sun
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
