You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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