i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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