i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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