Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
