Small penises have feelings too.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
