So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
