At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize