I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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