clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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