ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
