Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
