what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
