i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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