You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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