took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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