she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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